I was super honored when biz savvy fashionista Hilary Rushford of Dean Street Society asked me to be a part of the Happy Hour Dialogues. A group of bloggers and online entrepreneurs answering 4 big questions to start the conversation about her new book “The 4 Part Entrepreneur Cocktail”.
“The 4-Part Entrepreneur Cocktail” is a book, a tribe and a toolkit that Hilary wished she had when she first launched her blog and business just over two years ago. She gives you a close up and personal glimpse of what could be (and what really is) for those who desire to be bloggers and entrepreneurs.
In Part 1 she dives deep into motivation and today I’m adding my two cents to the convo of how to get and stay motivated by sharing what has worked for me and WHY.
(don’t get your hopes up, it has nothing to do with cocktails ; )
Motivation is a funny, little thing isn’t it?
Many peeps have a love / hate relationship with it, myself included.
There has been a lot of research done and TONS of books have been written on the subject of how to get and stay motivated, yet it is still something most of us find ourselves longing for when we desire to make a change or achieve a goal.
The problem is that we often look to outside sources for motivation, like a motivational speaker, motivational books and courses or someone to kick us in the ass and hold us accountable. These are all great tools in the short term and they can be a good asset to the big picture, but you will find that if you can get clear around what I’m about to tell you below, you won’t need any of that.
When you feel unmotivated it is usually because of one of two reasons.
Either you’re not clear or have lost sight of WHY you’re going after your goal in the first place OR there is a greater advantage for you to stay put and not move forward toward your goal at all.
Before we get into what’s holding you back, let’s first look at what pushes you forward.
If I drill down to the intention or the why behind what I want, my new biz for example, it’s almost always because it leads to feeling freedom in some way, some how. Maybe for you it’s security or peace or love.
It can be any emotion, even more than one, but the end result of why you want something is always a feeling disguised as a house, your own business, a big check or new skinny jeans.
To keep your motivation running high, it’s important to get crystal clear on why you want what you want. When the going gets tough or you start to get overwhelmed, bring your focus back to that feeling and why you’re going after this goal in the first place and your motivation will increase.
Unless of course you’re getting paid to stay where you are.
If you’re feeling stuck or unmotivated to go for something that you seemingly want SO FREAKING BAD, it’s because there is a greater (usually hidden) advantage for you NOT to move forward. If this is a new concept for you, you may not see it that way just yet, but I promise you, there is always a pay off or you would be exactly where you think you want to be.
Here’s an example.
I’ve always been procrastinator. I’ve fought it for years and then finally learned to accept it and work my life around it so we could live in harmony. This definitely helped me to not feel like shit every time I was putting something off, but it still didn’t solve the problem.
Recently I’ve been trying something new.
Whenever I feel like procrastinating, (which is often and why I’m still writing this blog 3 hours after it should’ve been live) I now ask myself “What am I GETTING out of this? What am I getting by not doing what I should be doing?”
ie. What’s the pay off?
I didn’t finish this post last night because I’m currently addicted to the show “LOST” and frankly, the pay off I received from watching Jack Shepard lead and save people for 3 hours greatly outweighed the pay off of me having my blog sent out by 9AM.
Sometimes it’s really that simple.
However… most times, there is a subconscious underlying fear or limiting belief that you don’t want to face and staying where you are is the safer option because it keeps all of your fears and insecurities at bay.
Here’s another example.
Earlier this year I was still struggling with indecision around what my business was going to be. It wasn’t until I noticed that by remaining unclear, as painful as I thought it was, I was actually receiving a huge pay off.
One of my limiting beliefs is that you have to work “hard” for money and success. So I equate more money and success with more hard work. I created a life that demonstrated that belief in the past leading me to a severe case of burn out. Because I was so scared of ending up exhausted and sick like that again, every time I would start to come to a decision I would subconsciously sabotage myself. This kept me in a nice safe non-working place.
I’ve since gotten over it, obviously, but I had to become very aware of it in order to keep it from creeping in and holding me back. Now that I know it is exists, I can control it.
When you get honest and take the time to figure out the root of what’s driving you (the why) or keeping you stuck (the fear/belief) YOU then have control over your own motivation.