HOW TO MAKE JEALOUSY WORK FOR YOU.

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You know who she is.

She’s got it all. She’s expressed and free. Making beaucoup bucks, changing lives one by one and she looks gorgeous with her damn green juice on Instagram while doing it.

It appears that she knows exactly what she wants, she’s crystal clear about her place in this world. Who she is and why she’s here, but every time you get a glimpse of what’s up next for her you feel deflated and find yourself seething inside.

I’ve been there and it’s an awful, uncomfortable feeling.

It made me feel small and it sucked every last bit of inspiration out of my bones. I began to feel lost, like I no longer knew what I wanted for me.

What I thought was the right thing seemed far away, fuzzy and grey and that fierce passion and motivation that was propelling me forward dried up and fizzled out in less time than it takes for a quick scroll through my newsfeed.

No bones about it, it was a clear cut case of jealousy.

But what if instead of throwing your iPhone across the room there was a way to make jealousy work for you?

Recently I was working with a client who was feeling irritable toward a friend. She decided that she didn’t like this friend as much as she thought. There was something about her that didn’t “feel right” and it was rubbing her the wrong way.

They both worked for the same company and hung in the same circles. My client is preparing to leave that job shortly to pursue a new chapter in her life in the healing arts. Said friend is already IN the healing arts.

Said friend was starting to get recognition for the work she was doing and she was offered a chance to lead a workshop on the topic of my clients expertise.

Instead of feeling happy for her, this got under my client’s skin. When I asked why it was because said friend didn’t have the “formal” training my client was about to receive and she didn’t agree with her approach and frankly she felt she wasn’t the brightest bulb on the tree.

Could these statements be true? Of course, but regardless, my client was jealous.

She was jealous that this girl was given an opportunity that she would have loved to have. She was jealous that this girl was out there already doing what my client so desperately wanted to do.

It may be in a different way, but the bottom line was that said friend had what my client wanted and it was eating her up inside.

But jealousy always has a message for you.

It shows you what you wish was true for you and it highlights where you’re not living up to your potential.

That can be painful to recognize at first, but if you let yourself go there, it will show you what you’re capable of and bring you more CLARITY around what you do really want.

Being clear on what you want makes it a LOT easier for you and the U to create it.

In my clients case, it was a message telling her, yes, you’re making the right decision to leave your career and pursue this new one.

It was reinforcing how valuable her work is, what’s possible for her and it confirmed that she was moving toward the work that she was meant to do in the world.

Message received. Awesome.

But there is something else that jealousy is telling you too.

Jealousy a “lack” emotion.

It makes the world feel smaller, like there’s not enough. It creates a sense of urgency, not because you’re passionate and have something to say or lives to change, but because it feels like someone will beat you to it.

When you’re feeling jealous you’re automatically creating a vibration of a of lack.

That’ll repel the abundance I know you want and deserve.

As soon as I become aware that I’m feeling jealous, I first look for the message and then I make sure I reinforce the belief that there is plenty for everyone and that someone else’s success does not take away from my own.

In the case of my client, the people that are being helped by said friend may need to hear something from her, in her way, through her experience. Just as there will be people who need to hear it from my client, in her way, through her experience.

And there will be some who need or want to hear it from both of them and many others.

There is plenty of room for everyone and as long as you’re staying true to you, you don’t have to worry.

Ok, your turn.

How have you handled jealousy in your own life and what did you learn from your experience?

Would love to hear your tips and tricks for keeping it at bay and flipping your perception. Share in the comments below!

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  1. Karen Yankovich

    I’m not a hugely jealous person, but I AM kinda skeptical sometimes about all the “it’s always great never bad” marketing I see. Sometimes you have to be REAL to really connect with people! My tip? Who gives a crap about what “they’ are doing, you ROCK and with focused strategy can do whatever it is YOU want to do!

    Reply
  2. victoria m.

    What a fun twist, Susan… now that you have re-framed jealousy it makes sense to know that the emotion is there to tell you something. It is up to us to listen to what it has to say from a non-judgmental place. Thank you for sharing… will most def pay more attention the next time I’m being a hater :)

    Reply
  3. Jennifer

    Perfect timing. Thank you, Susan! I am not feeling “jealous” – but I do notice that others seem to be charging ahead when I still feel like I am in a formative time. No lack for me, thankyouverymuch! xo

    Reply
  4. Peggy

    Hi Susan,

    Comparison truly is the thief of joy. I love how you describe jealousy as a “lack” emotion. It so is! And it keeps anyone feeling it from their rightful abundance.

    Reply
  5. Clare J Fitzgerald

    Hey Susan, thanks for this – it made me stop and think.

    I’m not one who gets all consumed by jealousy, but sometimes I get great ideas and then I see others have already written about it or created a product about it and I think – mmm, maybe what I’m thinking of doing has already been done well by someone else.

    When you said ‘jealousy always has a message for you’ It helped me understand that while I might have a similar topic area, I bring my own version of teaching it and I need to trust that. Thanks for the reminder.
    I enjoyed reading this post x

    Reply
  6. Stacey

    Sometimes I struggle to designate between envy and admiration versus jealousy as I don’t consider myself to be a jealous person anymore…in my twenties or thirties, yes, absolutely! Jealousy in my younger days made me unhappy and left me constantly feeling not good enough. But as you mentioned, sometimes the person who seems to have it all, do it all, or be it all, is miserable on the inside. So I’ve learned to check-in with myself when I start to notice my envy is feeling like jealousy and be happy with where I am at because that is exactly where I need to be in that moment. Thanks for the reminder to “be”!

    Reply
  7. farah

    Yep, we have all been there… it’s especially annoying, for me when newbies rise to the top, after you have toiled away for years..I don’t bother feeling that way anymore, but when I am unproductivem it seems that’s all I see, so I love how you say jealousy shows you what you wish was true for you and it highlights where you’re not living up to your potential. Wow. Great reframe, I’m gonna remeber that one!

    Reply
  8. Hannah Ransom

    Totally been there with the formal education thing! Although, people really should be formally educated in my field.. It’s not really something to mess around with. I need to figure out how to make the thoughts more productive though :)

    Reply
  9. Elise

    Susan,
    Your message is spot on, and most of us can relate to your client. I call this the “compare & despair” mode. I love the notion of digging deeper inside yourself to see what the jealousy is here to show you. It’s a great way to make sense of the green-eyed monster and get some perspective on our true wishes and desires. Awesome post!

    Reply
  10. Lacy

    GREAT topic! I had a business “frenemy” that used to drive me up the WALL with jealousy. But as I got to know more about her and her biz, I realized that she’s not really all that and a bag of chips, and I’m moving in a totally different direction. Felt good to realize I could wish her well!

    Reply
  11. inga renate langford

    I really enjoyed this article and it was right on time! I have been afflicted with the jealously bug in two ways: been the jealous one and the one who is being hated on because of someone else’s jealously. Ironically, both feel equally dis-empowering. I like the perspective of “re-framing” jealously so that I can get the lesson and act on it for my own self growth. In that way jealously is an actionable sign post on the journey to living life’s purpose. It’s both exciting and intimidating when I realize there is simply work for me to do in one area or another. Happy to learn that it’s also indeed all achievable with the right focus.

    Reply
    1. Susan Post author

      Such a good point about both feeling equally dis-empowering Inga. And it is definitely achievable! Nice to see you here :)

      Reply
  12. Jess

    Omfg I have NEVER been a jealous person (unless someone has an awesome body) but it never ate me up and no sooner had I seen said body had I moved on to something else. But since realising I was meant to write, create, inspire and stir something in others, the evil envy and jealousy bug has got me. I feel terrible and I’m horrible. I absolutely love what you said that being jealous highlights what you know you are meant to do – just as well or better, actually. So I’m going to use it as a gift. If something triggers that strong an emotion in me it’s the proof I need to know that I CAN do it too. I’m mainly jealous of others confidence and self belief because I’m so riddled with fear and doubt. Thanks for sharing!! x

    Reply
    1. Susan Post author

      It is a gift. Do it girl! And EVERYONE has fear & doubt when they’re first starting and sometimes well after. It’s all about getting comfortable with that. :) Thanks for reading x

      Reply
  13. Julie

    First of all: I ADORE your website, especially the visual side and the content too. I see that you have a sister just like me so hey girl, I get the jealousy thing completely. My sis is one year older than me, well 19 months and I tell you I know what it’s like to be compared. So jealousy for me has always been in terms of comparison. It took me becoming an adult and stepping into my world to finally accept, ENCOURAGE and LOVE our differences.

    Live it. Own it.

    Well done on your writing.

    Julie

    Reply

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